Communication Facilitator  This involves establishing a climate conducive to both listening and sharing.  It may include extra help to some people in expressing their thoughts and feelings, and added encouragement to others in listening and understanding.

Referee  When emotions are running high, my role may involve establishing and enforcing “rules of engagement” for the interaction that takes place in my office.

Translator/Interpreter  (“Let me see if I can express what you are trying to say in a way that your partner can understand.”)  As a third party, I can often be a more objective link between two people.  This is sometimes helpful where emotions and “being too close to the problem” may have prevented each party from hearing what the other was really trying to say.

Mediator  Sometimes my role is to act as an intermediary to help reconcile differences, perhaps suggest compromises, and facilitate agreement on specific issues.

Teacher  The “curriculum” may involve communication skills, conflict resolution skills, intimacy exercises, or other relationship skills and principles that are targeted to the specific needs of the couple.  It may also involve homework.

Trouble Shooter  Helping to isolate the factors that are causing a problem and giving suggestions as to what to do about it.

Coach  Listening, observing, encouraging, challenging, motivating.  “Here’s how to capitalize on your strengths and what you already do well in order to be even more effective.”

Analyst  (No, I won’t ask you to lie on a couch and tell me your dreams.)  But I may ask if you would be willing to talk a little about how you grew up. Often, the habits, expectations and fears that we developed while growing up (or in previous relationships) can provide major clues as to why we respond the way we do in present relationships.  I help interpret these links for people and assist in their overcoming the connections to the past that may be holding them back.

Analytical Observer  People are understandably caught up in the content of what they are discussing or struggling with.  I try to observe the bigger picture and understand the process by which they are interacting.  As I interpret patterns, attitudes and habits the couple uses to relate to each other, solutions come to mind which are not simply solving the present disagreement, but providing a blueprint for working together in the future as well.

Individual Counselor  Sometimes one or both of the parties in a relationship have individual issues that are affecting the relationship as a whole, such as depression, fears, negative self-image or obsessive/compulsive behavior.  If the couple wishes, I can spend some of the time focusing on those individual issues (with or without the other partner present) in addition to the time spent on the relationship as a whole.

Consultant/Outside Expert  As someone who has been trained in clinical psychology as well as marriage and family therapy, part of my job is to make myself available to answer questions, provide insights, give professional opinions, and act as a professional resource based on my training and experience in the field.

Fellow Traveler  In addition to my professional role, I am also someone who is walking the same road, facing similar struggles and trials, and looking back on learning experiences from successes as well as things I would do differently.  I tell my clients that I should not be the only one who gets to ask personal questions.  If they are interested, they are free to ask me about my life, marriage and family.   In a very real sense, we are all fellow travelers.